Man behaving badly

If you are a writer for the Post-Gazette, one of the more depressing features of our Web site is the section that details the most e-mailed stories. As an indicator of public interest, it is enough to make someone like me despair.

Just a little while ago, I finished writing my column. I think it is pretty good - I hope it is funny - but I know that I have little chance of cracking the electronic honor roll of most e-mailed stories. In my wildest dreams, I don't expect to be No. 1.

As I write at this hour, the No. 1 e-mailed story is the following ...

Man without pants reported on Montour Trail

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

By Liyun Jin, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

State police are searching for a man spotted without any pants along the Montour Trail in Robinson, Washington County.

Pamela Roberts told police she was running with her daughter around 5:30 p.m. yesterday when a man emerged from the bushes near mile marker 13.

The suspect is described as a white man between 40 and 50 years old, 5 feet 7 inches tall, with a medium build. According to police, he was wearing a light blue button-down shirt and a dark blue cap, was carrying big binoculars, and was naked from the waist down.

According to Trooper Raymond Quiroz, the witness said the man became startled and ran away. No one else on the trail reported seeing him.

Police searched the area but were unable to locate the man.

 Now, I will admit that this little story is a gem that contains wonderful little details. Indeed, the mental picture of police walking the Montour Trail in the hope of apprehending the man without pants will keep me smiling for a while yet.

But then the depression will return and I will realize anew that I am a seldom-emailed loser.

 

Posted Jun 30 2009, 05:39 PM by Reg Henry

Comments

little_minx wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Tue, Jun 30 2009 5:59 PM

Inquiring minds want to know: Did he catch poison ivy on any of his unclad parts?

little_minx wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Tue, Jun 30 2009 6:01 PM

Speaking of men behaving badly, how about Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC)?  It just keeps getting worse and worse every time he speaks publicly.

Toadsly wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Tue, Jun 30 2009 6:21 PM

Reg,

It's not the quality of the story that generates the e-mail; it's the disputable and fickle taste of the e-mailers.

Nora Roberts and Dan Brown sell more books than Toni Morrison and Philip Roth.

I rest my case!

Toadsly wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Tue, Jun 30 2009 6:38 PM

Dear little_minx:

If "Bobby" Goren from "Law and Order" were investigating the "Montour Trail" case, he would deduce that the facts point not to a pantsless pervert, but, rather, an absent-minded ornithologist.

ciejai wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Wed, Jul 1 2009 7:25 AM

Wasn't "Hike Naked Day" last week?  Perhaps he was looking for the Appalachian Trail.

John Lease wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Wed, Jul 1 2009 10:22 AM

As a white male in my 40's, why are we always the demographic?  It's not like we have ALL the crazies, is it?

little_minx wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Wed, Jul 1 2009 11:10 AM

ciejai, excellent point!  Perhaps the fellow was inspired by news coverage of l'affaire Sanford.

Speaking of which, in today's column Reg typed,  "conservative politicians like Mark Sanford are especially susceptible to temptation. All women have to do to lure such men is whisper 'Obama is a Marxist' or 'Global warming is a hoax' and their loins become inflamed" -- thus finally explaining Gov. Palin's appeal to right-wing men.  Keep up the good work, Reg.

In reply to John Lease's plaintive inquiry above, "As a white male in my 40's, why are we always the demographic?" let me propose that it may simply have to do with sheer numbers, namely the older half of 40-somethings being at the end of the Baby Boom.  Or perhaps it's nowadays politically incorrect to describe someone as appearing to be over 50?

ciejai wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Wed, Jul 1 2009 2:05 PM

I bike the Montour Trail about three times a week and am well acquainted with mile 13 where the pantless man appeared.  Upon more serious reflection, my guess is he is a "Peeping Tom" who was interrupted mid-peep, fled through the woods and unwittingly emerged on the trail.   We used to hear frequently that peepers are harmless but having watched rather too many episodes of "American Justice" and "Cold Case Files" I believe that many peepers eventually escalate to more violent activities.  Will I quit biking?  No.  Will I start carrying the sort of pepper spray postal workers use?  Probably.

Little Minx, poison ivy is indeed prevalent along the path and there is an enormous number of thorny blackberry bushes as well.  It is likely the miscreant is both Itchy and Scratchy today!

little_minx wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Wed, Jul 1 2009 4:58 PM

ciejai: "It is likely the miscreant is both Itchy and Scratchy today!"

Talking about the punishment fitting the crime :-)))

little_minx wrote re: Man behaving badly
on Thu, Jul 2 2009 11:01 AM

Besides poison ivy and thorny blackberry bushes, we mustn't overlook mosquito bites on his tender body parts, either :-)