Apr 28 2009
The Pittsburgh Marathon is Sunday. My best wishes to all who run that day.
I have run three marathons - all at Big Sur in California - and once walked the New York Marathon with a party of people supporting a woman who has MS. (It took us about seven hours from start to finish.)
But my marathon days are over. I still run a bit and I am perfectly carbo-loaded, as my shape attests, but my legs would never make the distance.
In my first two marathons at Big Sur, I managed to break four hours. The last one I did was under five hours but not by much and I was perfectly rigid after it. I could have been standing outside later and been strung with wires by workers mistaking me for a utility pole.
My advice to Sunday's runners is not to go out too fast, unless you think you can win. If you were like me, just finishing is winning.
Drink lots of water and put Vaseline on your nipples - seriously, because whether you are a man or a woman, those little babies can get very chafed. Do not regret what you are doing, especially if you are past 40. If you are going to have a mid-life crisis, running a marathon is cheaper than getting a red sports car.
Good luck and wish my legs and I could be with you.
Apr 28 2009
Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter is either a great statesman or the most unprincipled politician who ever lived, depending on what editorial you are reading.
But whatever he is, and the truth is probably a little bit of both, his decision to leave the Republican Party and join the Democrats is less importantly about him and more about the party he forsakes.
Will the last moderate Republican please close the door? Once upon a time, liberal Republicans were a visible presence and a civilizing influence on the party. The dominate right-wing ideologues have pretty much hunted the moderates to extinction. As much as they rail against Specter for leaving, it was they who made his enduring presence intolerable. It was either leave or be kicked out and he chose to leave.
(Full disclosure: I am a liberal still registered as a Republican, although in truth I have always thought party labels pretty much ridiculous. Still, I am thinking of applying for protection under the Endangered Species Act).
This long-term vendetta against liberals and moderates is an act of political suicide by what Specter himself has called the party's cannibals - those wild-eyed folks who like to feed on their own. Their obsession does not change a political fact of life: The party that holds the middle political ground has the better shot of winning everywhere with a few exceptions, mostly in the South.
But the right-wingers would rather be right than bright. Too bad - because what is good for the Democrats isn't necessarily good for America. Someone has to keep the Democrats honest and the party that can do it is fast going down the drain hole of history, all soaped up and steaming in its quest for purity.
Apr 28 2009
For some months now, my wife has been much vexed by the presence of stink bugs in our house. I will be sitting quietly reading a book or watching TV and a little scream will punctuate the domestic calm. "Ew! They are so disgusting. I hate them!"
At this alarm, Sooner the dog will look up to see if a cat or a postman is involved. But it always turns out to be a stink bug and Sooner is not perturbed by stink bugs and nor am I.
As far I am concerned, stink bugs are Public Non-Enemy No. 1. In the first place, you have to squeeze them before they stink. If a giant were to squeeze most of us, I am sure we would be revealed as sacks of noxious fumes too. In fact, if someone like Rush Limbaugh were squeezed, the authorities would have to evacuate whole city blocks.
It seems to me that stink bugs are actually quite sporting. If you don't mess with them, they don't mess with you. That seems fair to me.
It is true that stink bugs are ugly creatures - to my eye, they look like little rhinos. But then again, most bugs are ugly according to our human perception. However, they are apparently quite attractive to their own kind, judging by their prodigious numbers.
As a general principle, I do not think unattractive creatures should be squeezed to death just because they do not fit our human norms of beauty. Live and let live is my motto.
However, it is apparently not the motto of Mrs. H and I am often called from my chair to evict stink bugs. This I do carefully and with kind words for the stink bugs' ears, assuming they have ears, so they understand that it is nothing personal.
I imagine this infestation is not limited to our house but plays out in little dramas all over the Pittsburgh region. There are many spouses in the naked city but many more stink bugs and they are part of Nature's plan - which I surmise is to promote conversation among us giants.
Apr 27 2009
In case you missed it, and American readers can be forgiven for doing so, Anzac Day was Saturday. Anzac is an acronym for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, the force that stormed the beaches of Gallipoli under heavy Turkish fire on April 25, 1915.
It is commemorated as a memorial day in both countries. Although the campaign ended up technically a defeat (its goal of knocking Turkey out of the First World War did not succeed), the months-long fight was marked by great heroism on the part of both invaders and defenders.
In Pittsburgh, at least two Anzac Day events were held - one out in Oakmont and another, smaller one in Green Tree (co-ordination was a bit lacking this year). Anzac Day is both a solemn occasion and a time to have a few drinks with mates and eat Down Under delicacies - well, as delicate as things get Down Under.
So, about the time the Penguins had won their unlikely victory Saturday, I was gathered with a few mates in a Green Tree yard drinking a toast to the fallen heroes of Anzac Cove and other far-flung battlefields. As a Vietnam veteran of the Australian Army myself, I could do no less.
For the purpose of the toast, I was given a tumbler of rum and coke. Unfortunately, I hate rum and coke, because it was the first drink I ever got drunk on, and even now more than 40 years later I can recall the waves of nausea that afflicted me. I felt then like a sailor drowning in a sea of diesel fuel. In all that time since, I had never had another rum and coke except once when Mrs. H played a trick on me and I was forced to spit it out.
And here I was toasting the Anzacs in rum and coke, an act that made spitting out the drink not an option. Moreover, the rum in it was not any old rum but Bundaberg rum, named for a city in the heart of sugar-cane country in north Queensland, my home state. "Bundy," as it is affectionately known, is considered an elixir of the gods in Oz.
"To the Anzacs!" the toast was made. I shut my eyes and poured some Bundy and coke down my throat in a fearful gulp and it was .... wonderful! I was amazed how nice it was. I reckon I might have another one over the next 40 years.
Suitably fortified, I then went and ate the traditional Aussie hamburger, which featured beetroot and a fried egg. (Beetroot adds nice taste and texture to a burger and gives the eater a chance to get red beetroot juice all over his shirt and pants, always a sign of having enjoyed oneself). Then I had an Anzac biscuit (cookie) made with sugar-cane syrup.
Crikey, it was beaut day - and not only because the Penguins won.
Apr 24 2009
As the columnist Leonard Pitts recently observed ("Threats of Secession," PG, April 23), it was borderline traitorous for Texas Gov. Rick Perry to suggest at a "teabag" protest that Texas might secede if people like himself aren't placated by Washington.
"When we came into the Union in 1845," he said, "one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that. My hope is that America, and Washington in particular, pay attention. We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that?"
This is idiocy, of course, and highly offensive idiocy at that. Tens of thousands of lives were lost to keep this nation together, and the smallest child who visits Gettysburg gets the point that this gubernatorial goof does not.
On the other hand, who the heck needs Texas anyway? What good has ever come out of it? Big hair for the gals? Texas Hold 'Em? I say we could fold 'em and let them take the Texas Two-Step with them.
If they left, we could all be happy. They could execute people every 10 minutes. They could brag to themselves, bragging being their major talent. They could cheer George W. Bush to their heart's content (which they do anyway). Best of all, they wouldn't be able to send anymore of their dubious politicians to occupy the White House. We all win!
If Texas leaves, can it take Alaska with it? I'm sure Sarah Palin's husband wouldn't mind.
Apr 23 2009
It's not too often that I agree with Wall Street Journal editorials but I think they had a point this morning when they took President Obama to task for apparently opening the way to prosecution of Bush lawyers or others who came up with the legal justification for harsh interrogation techniques - ie. torture - of suspected terrorists.
Obama has changed his mind and not for the better. Previously, he had said - rightly - that the nation should be looking forward rather than looking back at the past. His chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, had said as recently as Sunday that those who devised policy should not be prosecuted.
But many on the left have been howling for revenge and now Obama says he wouldn't oppose a bipartisan inquiry into interrogation methods. In addition, he leave it up to the Justice Department to judge whether prosecutions were needed.
I believe the people who used their legal talents to justify torture are slime of the first order. But the good of the country outweighs the value of giving in to the temptation to punish them. Obama knew this and nothing has changed since except the political pressure. He ended torture, he made clear what was done in our name and he should have left it at that.
The Wall Street Journal wrote this morning: "By indulging his party's desire to criminalize policy advice, he has unleashed furies that will haunt his presidency." And I fear they might be right.
I don't want Obama to fail because, against his initial judgment, he got caught up in the noxious leftovers from the Bush administration.
Apr 22 2009
It's Earth Day today and to mark the occasion the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review has an editorial "Reclaim your planet."
This looks like a fine sentiment until one stops to read the first paragraph: "Another Earth Day is here. And it represents yet another opportunity to save the planet. Not from ‘ourselves,' as the eco-wackos are telling you, but from the eco-wackos."
It goes on in the same absurdly unbalanced manner. It is actually enjoyable in a perverse sort of way, as if a master humorist had joined the staff of The Trib. Trouble is, this buffoonery is dead serious.
Environmentalism, we are told, is "the nut wing of the conservation movement." It goes on: "Junk science in pursuit of social re-engineering is a danger that far exceeds any of the supposed ills we face from ‘climate change.' "
Tell that to all the scientists around the world recording the many visible signs of man-made global warning.
No, eco-wackos aren't the greatest problem. It's politico-wackos blind to reason who threaten to wreck our world.
Apr 21 2009
All columnists are allowed to write about their pet peeves and I have done it many times, exploring everything from whether ice creams cones should be bitten or licked (I am a biter) to the decline of the public's appreciation of literary allusions (Sic transit gloria mundi).
But when a columnist comes out against blue jeans, one can assume two things 1) George F. Will is writing again and 2) his superior nose is so far up in the air he is at risk of dislocating it.
If you want something that will make you wonder whether to laugh or cry, I recommend his recent anti-denim diatribe. It is one absurd proposition after another. My favorite among these is his contention that "Denim is the infantile uniform of a nation in which entertainment frequently features childlike adults ("Seinfeld," "Two and a Half Men") and cartoons for adults ("King of the Hill"). Seventy-five percent of American "gamers" - people who play video games - are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote."
Oh the horror. While Mr. Will apparently does not play "Grand Theft Auto," I would point out to him that baseball - his favorite game - is a child's game played by adults who can vote. And how about picking on "Seinfeld," whose "childlike adults" just happen to be very funny?
Perhaps it is time to reconvene the House Committee on Un-American Activities to investigate whether a right-wing plot is afoot to subvert American habits.
Apr 20 2009
When President Barack Obama was pictured smiling and shaking hands with Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez at the Summit of the Americas, he presented many right wingers at home with the equivalent of a stick in the eye or a red flag to a bull.
It is true that Chavez is no sweetheart - a socialist egomaniac, he thrives on tweaking the nose of Uncle Sam. But as bullies and wannabe dictators go, he isn't the threat to the United States that both he and his critics think he is. He's no Kim Jong Il or the late Saddam Hussein, for example. And as much as his ideology is wrong-headed, he does try to do something for his own people, which makes him no Robert Mugabe.
Anyway, you don't have to like someone to smile and shake hands with them. We all do it, at least those of us who are not chronically rigid. This is called civilized behavior, or, as Obama himself said, courtesy.
I know that courtesy is a lost cause among the most rabid reaches of the right wing, but everybody else will look at this encounter and say: So what?
As the old folk adage remind us, there's two ways to catch flies - honey or vinegar. We tried vinegar for the last eight years and it didn't work.
Apr 17 2009
It is time for a "Casablanca" moment - the moment when Captain Louis Renault says: "I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"
A story that moved today on the Associated Press wire prompts this "Casablanca" moment ....
WASHINGTON (AP) - A federal appeals court ruled Friday that the Bush administration did not properly study the environmental impact of expanding oil and gas drilling off the Alaska coast and canceled a program to find new reserves.
Well, I am shocked, shocked, that the Bush administration did not consider the environment when planning to expand oil and gas drilling.
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