Blog 'n' Gold : bill cowher

Steelers-Bungles live

Chuck Finder — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:07:00 GMT

Pregame, 4:05 p.m.: Let that be a lesson to ya, if the 0-for-2008-09 Detroit Lions can take a lead into the two-minute warning, anything can happen on a Sunday. . . 4:12 p.m.: Didja catch Ex-Coach Cahr on the CBS pregame show? Mr. Bill was speaking to the smushmouth Steelers choir when he called them the P-word: "The game has changed. The rules have changed. I think right now, I hate to say this, but the running game is a complement. It's not the foundation that it once was. You look at the last three AFC teams that were in the Super Bowl, that's Pittsburgh, New England and Indianapolis. They're all passing games. The running game is a complement." And he didn't mean that as a compliment. 4:14 p.m.: Jim Nantz provided the pregame kibosh: The last Bungles coach to beat the Steelers was Hall of Fame-to-be cooordinator Dick LeBeau. Then Cincinnati enlivens Paul Brown's building with that long kickoff return. Game on.

FIRST QUARTER

4:16 p.m.: You notice Tyrone Carter, padded left thigh and all, started. You also notice that LeBeau and the fellas welcomed back Carson Palmer, who hasn't played them in a while (since, what, the Kimo von Ohlhoffen treatment in the 2005 playoffs? seems it, anyway), with a zone-blitz drop where James Farrior nearly picked off his first pass. But, trust us, they cannot give Palmer all day to throw. They'll have to harry him. . . The visitors needed that long, slow-building pass play. And if Ben Roethlisberger doesn't have time to look downfield, and if he -- sing along with the chorus -- doesn't hold onto the ball for several extra seconds, such big plays never get made. You take the incompletion, the occasional interception, the disdain for the 3- to 6-yard quarterback scrambles for back-breaking big plays like that. . . 4:23 p.m.: Chris Simms' daddy is exactly right -- the officials need to call nullifying penalties on Hines Ward, who is in for a long day with angry Bungles, and Cincinnati's James Joseph trading shoves deep into the Steelers' bench area. Got to stop that stuff early. And how about Willie Parker? A 24-yard run, again with nice blocking, marked his longest since the Cleveland finale last season. Remember, he had 47 yards total in Chicago a week ago, and that was considered a breakthrough ground performance.. . . 4:29 p.m.: The same as in Chicago, a short-yardage situation at the goalline -- and this time they tried Parker, who fell short. Yes, they'll have to improve at this. Yes, they almost had to run Parker. But, yes, they also had to get Jeff Reed some positive mojo. One last thought about this 3-0 Steelers lead: Shouldn't Parker have bounced that third-and-goal outside? Sure looked like he had a better chance of scoring around left end instead of cutting it inside. And the angle would've been no worse for Reed. . . though he did cut that from-the-left-hashmark attempt pretty close to the upright, huh?

BTW: About the Lions' victory? Nice to see new coach Jim Schwarz send them back from the locker room onto the Ford Field surface to shake hands and savor the moment with the remaining Lions fans.

4:36 p.m.: Carter flew into that second-down run as if he was shot from Troy Polamalu's cannon. Cedric Benson: zilch on three carries. Carson Palmer: oh for 3. Chad Ochocinco: nada (and he looked like, on the catch erased by a Cincy flag, as if he couldn't get his feet to work right, stepping out of bounds before he reached the first-down marker). And two penalties. But, then, the defense had a strong start a week ago, too. . . What's Spanish for "Oy?". . . 4:43 p.m.: On a sunny day, with a catchable pass (though a tad high), Santonio Holmes shows that his drops are a mental gaffe, not due to rain, gloves or owie wrists. And there goes Parker again, utilizing blocking and calls that catch the upfield rush of the Bungles. Could be yet another 100-yard day for him in Cincy. . . 4:46 p.m.: Parker's more than halfway there, with 53 yards -- a season high -- on just nine carries. And Mike Wallace has bypassed Limas Sweed and almost any other Steelers' rookie receiver since, what, Louis Lipps? OK, so Troy Edwards caught alotta balls as a rookie (tying Ward in 1999 for a team-leading 61, but somebody had to catch 'em), but he soon after proved to be a mini-mirage. . 4:48 p.m.: Once again, Roethlisberger eluding the rush -- almost every other NFL quarterback goes down on that play -- and receivers breaking off routes come to a positive ending for the Steelers more often than not. And Willie Parker's first touchdown catch in 39 games gives the Steelers a 10-0 lead. Which begs the question: Shouldn't they try throwing more screens, flares, releases and circles to a guy named Fast Willie? He spent many a training-camp day working with the JUGS machine after practice on receiving. . . First quarter ended, and Parker had 90 yards of offense in it.

SECOND QUARTER

BTW: That 27-yard touchdown catch marked the longest TD reception of Parker's six-year career, his third longest reception overall of his career and his longest in his past 64 games, regular season and post-season.

4:58 p.m.: The other Mike Wallace should be proud, though maybe the kid does need to work on his sideline tight-roping. The Steelers need that Red Zone success, though. Man cannot live on field goals alone.Their past four trips to the opposition's 25-yard line or closer have come up with zero touchdowns and now just two 3-pointers. . . 5:07 p.m.: See what happens when you don't get to Palmer? Ochocinco brings energy with big gains and touchdown celebrations, and he has a special one planned for today -- should he get there. But if the Bungles score on this drive, it revives the crowd and their confidence. . . 5:17 p.m.: Sweed sighting! And, if you hadn't noticed, parker has 72 yards rushing already. The Steelers have gotten the game at their quick pace. A score after this two-minute warning, particularly a touchdown, would go a long way. . . . 5:26 p.m.: Holmes' inability to stop and drop the toes at the sideline -- and, gee, he has done that before somewhere, hasn't he? -- and the Steelers' failure to pick up points on this half-ending drive could well come back to Bengal-bite them. . . 5:30 p.m.: On that drive-starting pass to Chris Henry, the Steelers' rushed only four. You see the difference thereafter, with Palmer dumping off quick short ones when pressured more. . . . 5:33 p.m.: Mock cheer from Bungles fans as hometown club gets last-second field goal -- Steelers 13, Cincy 3 at halftime.

THIRD QUARTER

5:56 p.m.: No better way to overcome a mistake, a turnover, a killer touchdown like Joseph's, making it 13-9, than by coming back with a touchdown of your own. Then Sweed does what he did too often lost year, got a case of the dropsies, and Reed just hooks at the last coupla yards that long one. You have just infused lots of La Vida into Ochocinco and the Co.

Insert NFL Films follies music here.

6:05 p.m.: After a big stop by the defense, the offense has no choice but to try to run the ball, try to shorten the game. The Bungles have done a much better job this half filling the holes, hanging with the blocks. But the Steelers still need to run -- can't rely on . . . Mike Wallace all the time?! Third third-down catch for the rookie, fifth overall for 87 yards -- even more yards than Parker has acmulated on the ground. But that must change. The more the Steelers try to sit in pass protection, the more they're going to get called for holding on Antwan Odom and Jumpy Geathers, take our word for it. . . 6:08 p.m.: There's Hines Ward. . . 6:10 p.m.: Cincy is regularly rushing five and six, but the Steelers' receivers are wiiide open in the secondary. They MUST score here. . . 6:11 p.m.: That scary time for fans: Short yardage (insert "Friday the 13th" music here). Have to give Parker a carry, but Big Ben is going to take a beating if he's your go-to. . . uh, fullback. Your franchise QB shouldn't be your short-yardage TD guy. And what was exchange between Bruce Arians, who has called a pretty nice game so far, and Coach Mike Tomlin? Arians looked a bit excited, if not miffed, at what his boss was saying. . . 6:19 p.m.: First Keith Rivers, now Rey Maualuga. What is it with these first-round linebackers from USC constantly getting hurt against the Steelers early? If I'm playing 'backer for Pete Carroll right now, I'm hitting my knees every night hoping Mike Brown doesn't know I'm alive. . . 6:20 p.m.: A Sam Wyche call by Marvin Lewis -- now that's, what's the word 'Cinco, cajones? If the Bungles score a TD here, it's their game. If they get a FG, this one's going down to the wire. If the Steelers can stop them, it's their game, especially able to run the ball and kill some clock now that the game is going into the fourth quarter. Steelers 20, Bungles 9 -- but driving.

FOURTH QUARTER

6:25 p.m.: Raise your hand if you yelled "Fake!" at the TV when the Bungles lined up for that 52-yard FG. And, being the Bungles, they missed. What they showed the first two weeks of the season, a confidence and a moxie and a defense, could be unmasked if they fall down on the job here. Because they are still in this game, even if the Bungles don't believe it. . . 6:30 p.m.: First of all, the Steelers ran off almost two minutes there, every tick helping their cause. Second, they tried to establish the run -- but they have to maintain that balance on first and second downs, keeping Cincy off balance. Thirdly, that punt by Daniel Sepulveda was disappointing. He can boom them farther. Though, in his favor, he was (1.) cold, having yet to punt in this game, and (2.) trying to loft the ball so Cincy cannot rip off a long return like it did last week. . . 6:39 p.m.: Benson ripping off that touchdown run isn't a good sign. Halting that two-point conversion helps, though -- the Bungles will need a touchdown, and maybe a successful two-pointer, too, if the Steelers can tack on a field goal. Huuuuge offensive possession here. A ton o ftime left, with 9:08 to go. Sorry, folks, I have to head out for the holiest day of the Jewish year, Yom Kippur. I'm handing off the blog baton to Dan Gigler. . . 6:44 p.m.: Well here you go folks, five minutes remaining, Steelers just punted, Cincy taking over with not terrible field position? Who will 'kiss the baby' -- Steelers D or Acht Funf? (I took German in high school, not Spanish) 6:50 p.m.: Steelers defense getting shredded right now like the cheese I put on the chili I had for lunch (Not Cincinnati-style, thank you). 6:54 p.m.: Ike Taylor perfect pass defense on Eight Five setting up a 4th & 2 with one minute left ... this is the game. 6:57 p.m.: Bengals convert a quick slant to Lavereaus Coles, 1st & 10 47 seconds left ... Palmer a dart on what looked like a sure TD to VIII-V and Taylor and Ryan Clark get fingertips on it, another Palmer pass to Chris Henry is defended by William Gay -- 4th & 10, 36 ticks left ... 7:02 p.m.: Carson Palmer converts a 4th & 10 on a scrambling, last seconfd dump to Brian Leonard -- admittedly a guy we like from what we saw of him on Hard Knocks -- and then a flip to Andre Caldwell for the go ahead touchdown. Pass to Leonard makes it 23-20 on the conversion. 7:05 p.m.: Rashard Mendenhall, proving he has as much sense as my puggle, flips the kickoff to Stefan Logan, eating up valuable time. Logan exacerbates the problem by not going down, and Ben takes over with 2 seconds left -- no time to do anything. Hail Mary short ... Steelers lose, fall to 1-2, and third place in the division. You think people complained about G-20? Just wait. Don't even turn on a radio this week, because the sky is officially falling in Steelers Nation ...

Chin on the ground in Mosul

Dan Gigler — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:39:00 GMT

Updating an item from earlier this week, some great pics of Bill Cowher and other current and former NFL coaches on a USO tour in Iraq. Check out the full gallery of pictures and read about the tour here.

Sgt. Slaughter in Iraq!

Dan Gigler — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:12:00 GMT

From a press release from the NFL: "Five current and former NFL coaches who are leaders on and off the field will launch a new tradition with the inaugural NFL-USO Coaches Tour. Giants Head Coach TOM COUGHLIN; former Steelers Head Coach BILL COWHER; Titans Head Coach JEFF FISHER; former Raiders and Buccaneers Head Coach JON GRUDEN; and Ravens Head Coach JOHN HARBAUGH will travel to meet and greet servicemembers for several days in the Persian Gulf region.

The NFL and USO have organized overseas morale-building visits for more than 40 years. In 1966, the NFL teamed with the USO and became the first sports organization to send a group of players to Vietnam and other parts of Asia, demonstrating the league’s support for America’s troops."

But hasn't Cowher been fighting America's enemies since the 1980's, starting with the Iron Sheikh?

Bill who?

Dan Gigler — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:34:00 GMT

This excellent AP shot of Mike Tomlin and his son at Tuesday night's Stanley Cup Final game has us paraphrasing Chuck Noll's famously terse quip regarding Franco Harris's 1984 contract holdout as it relates to the outrage by Pittsburgh fans about some guy with a big chin and teeth backing a loser in Raleigh.

Speaking of Tomlin, Cowher & Noll ...

Behind the Steel Curtain presents the most excellent online voting bracket evah: The Tomlinism Tournament! This is like voting on the best line of Shakespeare or best Bob Dylan lyric. The first two choices alone are impossible to pick between. Round 2 is just as tough.
Steel Curtain Rising has held off on the Cowher/Carolina issue until now, as they try and unlock the enigma of William Laird.
SCR also makes the excellent suggestion that the Steelers should make every effort to photograph these three great coaches and their six Lombardi trophies while they still can.

Hot debates ...

SI's Don Banks ranks every NFL team through this decade thus far and put the Patriots just ahead of the Steelers as the team of the Oh-Ohs. Banks' methodology is solid -- overall record, playoff record, playoff seasons, Super Bowl appearances/wins, and winning seasons are used. Its an interesting discussion because you can't help but wonder if one more of those Super Bowls might belong to Pittsburgh had the Pats not ... ya know.
MVN compares who is better through 5 seasons: Big Ben or Bradshaw?
JJ Cooper makes an excellent examiniation of how the Steelers pretty much can't miss with first-round picks over the last 10 years. The problem, however, has been their mid to late round drafting which has been underwhelming to say the least -- Ryan McBean, Willie Reid, Alonzo Jackson, anyone? So which do you prefer -- stars or depth?

Line of the week ...

The Pittsburgh City Paper on the ousttanding news that Pittsburgh will be in the world spotlight as host for September's G-20 Summit: "Barack Obama really, really wants to meet James Harrison."

Dumb move of the week (Steeler edition) ...

William Gay does his best Pacman Jones impersonation. Ugh.

Just dumb of the week ...

Dumb video that PSAMP dug up of a guy playing with his Steeler-collar-wearing pet Boxer. There is nothing remarkable about this except that the off-voice cameraman sounds EXACTLY like Eastbound & Down's Kenny Powers (Danny McBride).

Gittin' Lombardi trophies ... on the reg!

Look who's talking about Tomlin, the XL-winning Steelers compared to this club, and other stuff

Chuck Finder — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Why, it's Coach Cahr.

Make that CBS Studio Analyst Bill Cowher (sorry Jets, Browns, Broncos and all, but he's off the coaching-GM market . . . until next year, when him, Mike Shanahan and possibly even a retirement-weary Mike Holmgren flood the potential hiring pool).

Without showing our hand for a story to be printed in Friday's special section -- believe it or not, our media competition knows how to read -- let's toss out a couple of morsels spat from The Jaw this week [with our snarky commentary provided inside brackets].

Relative to the fella who replaced him: "I think Mike has done a very good job. The one thing that he’s got, it's the same defensive staff it’s been there since I left there. Dick LeBeau. . . . He’s got the same defense with a few new bodies. It’s really a pretty veteran defense. Offensively, Bruce Arians, he took over as coordinator when Ken Whisenhunt went to Arizona. [And didja notice that Cowher already endorsed his boy Wiz and the Cards as Super Bowl-bound, but he hasn't yet made such a proclamation about the Steelers?] It’s a lot of the same coaches on offense. [Exqueeze me, but only Arians, tight ends coach James Daniel and offensive assistant Lou Spanos remain, but, geesh, 3-outta-8 equals a lot, right?] And Bruce, he knows Ben. He’s opened it up a little bit more with him. But, at the same time, I think he’s done a good job of scaling it back and getting back to the basics Wiz had. . . . But Mike has done a very good job with the football team and kind of put a little bit of his handprint on it. He got them to this point, and they’re playing very well for him."

Comparing these 2008 Steelers to his penultimate team that conquered The Road to Supe XL: "I tell you what, I coach them every week from the studio. [But then he also said he coaches 31 other teams from the same vantage point, so don't get all warm and fuzzy.]. . . . When I look at this team and I look at the Super Bowl team, there are some similarities. You’re looking at a defense that certainly has been making plays. The defense, when I look back at the Super Bowl team we had, we probably had to create pressure more [than what James Harrison or LaMarr Woodley bring naturally]. They’re getting pressure right now with a four-man rush, . .and when you can [do that], you certainly eliminate the potential for big plays. That’s what I see [as] a little bit different. From an offensive standpoint, they kind of got away form the running game when Willie [Parker] was hurt. What you saw last week was them getting back to the running game. The running game just sets up so much. It sets up his play action, and it also has a way of negating the rush a little bit . Because when you are able to run the football, defenders are starting to plant their feet, they’re not taking off up the field -- they’re starting to play more a litlte bit more run defense and more gap integrity. [Except Michael Strahan, whose smile knows no gap integrity! Now back to Cowher and what it means to run the ball. . . .] That gives you a little bit more protection. Plus, on that field. When you’re playing on Heinz Field, you’re not going to be playing on a fast surface. And I think it plays well into their offense." [In other words, run him even if the sod renders him Not-So-Fast Willie.]

One last thing. . . , the coach who spent considerable time and effort on the NFL competition (i.e. rules) committee fully expects his old colleagues to enact changes after seeing the Ravens make a big gainer last Sunday at Tennessee on a play snapped two seconds after the play clock hit :00: "It’s the only play the NBA reviews, yet it’s the one play that we don’t review. [Cowher was in his strident, almost-spitting 'Who Did That' voice by this point.] I don’t think there’s any reason why we can’t review that. I think that’s going to be talked about very heavily [by] the competition committee at the league meetings this summer."

More, as we say, in Friday's paper.

Whither "10 Million Dollar Bill"?

Chuck Finder — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Play along at home with the new NFL board game, Fuggedabout Carmen Sandiego, Where In The World Will Bill Cowher Go?

Scratch red Ohio and the red-faced Browns. The heck with dark-blue New York and the green-with-envy Jets. Oakland? Mwahhhhhhhahahahah. Though the Raidahs apparently want to talk to everybody else with Pittsburgh ties: failed Steelers offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride, ousted Pitt coach Paul Hackett, and Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh whose daddy Jack used to be a Pitt assistant to Mike Gottfried.

Let's not even go to Detroit or St. Louis. Please.

No, if there is one suitor left in the 2009 Cahr Sweepstakes, it may well be Denver in light-blue Colorado -- that's three states to the right of northern California, for you geographically impaired. The Broncos' job includes a high-priced, high-profile coaching position along with the possibility of being GM/personnel director himself, if he didn't want to hire one. . . who would mostly do his bidding. Got a franchise quarterback in place. Got a rabid fan base (yeah, but all that orange). All the skiing a body could want, although it would be awful far from the Wofford (S.C.) College where daughter Lindsay is headed to play hoops, but if Colorado U. or Colorado State wanted to recruit her . . . . And owner Pat Bowlen would pay an exorbitant price to land such a name, even if the columnist who said unkind things about The Jaw (likening him to a big, dumb golden retriever before the 1997 AFC championship game) opines that the Broncos need much more than a new man in charge.

Kansas City could intrigue him with its GM opening and the potential to coach there, too. . . . But the best guess remains: Kaye may not let him coach for another year.

[This is from Halloween 2007, and comes replete with North Carolina references -- back when John Fox's Panthers were strugg-uh-ling -- because it was authored by the Raleigh, N.C., News & Observer, but it's still a funny where-will-Bill-go holiday wish just the same:]

Ho, ho, freakin' ho

Chuck Finder — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:54:00 GMT

In honor of our 100th Blog 'n' Golden posting -- should we sing "Auld Lang Syne" for that? -- we here at One of America's Great Newspapers, Web Sites and Bottle Shops attempt to be interactive and fan-friendly by turning over this cyberspace to one of our readers, a taste of citizen journalism as its known today. (OK, so in reality this is a Letter to the Editor that was too long for the ink-stained edition, and The Bosses sent it our way.) Comments, and video evidence, to follow:

Dear Editor--

This letter concerns Coach Tomlin's and the Steelers' front office's
reaction recently to the fake Santa at the Steelers new conference on
December 23, 2008.

While I very much admire, like, and appreciate Coach Tomlin, I must
admit to some dismay after reading about his reaction to a visiting
Santa Claus the other day at a press conference. Not only did Coach
Tomlin visibly demonstrate irritation and impatience, he was also heard
to sigh with some frequency. Was his annoyance out of frustration for
not being able to tell everyone about his approach to the lowly
Cleveland Browns, a game many see as being somewhat "meaningless"?

I must say that for this fake Santa, it was always a boast to know that
one of our legion was given access to the Steelers Christmas press
conference. Most Santas are sedate and retired and akin to the legend of
the actual St. Nicholas. There are, however, Santas in rags and bells
and holly who are mischievous and unpredictable,-- these Santas being
closer in spirit to their Wild Man, or shaman, predecessors. Either way,
these Santas mean well, even if they do decide to joke about the
Pirates, Casey Hampton, sportscasters, the Browns and the Cowboys.
Knowing that a Santa somewhere is having some fun with the Steelers
gives encouragement to all of us in these old coalfields and river towns
who listen to all of the impossible wishes of children. Knowing that a
Santa is joking around with our beloved Coach must warm the most frozen
Santa shaking bells on a Downtown street corner all December long.

But this letter does not entirely concern Coach Tomlin's, shall we say,
confusion. It concerns the fact that the Steelers' front office has
decided to cancel all future appearances by any Santa "at any of their
news conferences." Such appearances have become a tradition. This does
not seem fair.This is very blue news during a time which is
distinguished by generosity and good will. This is very blue news for
those of us visiting orphanages and hospitals, for those of us street
side who help others by collecting pennies with a bucket, for those of
us along these rivers who give their hearts over to other people.

Sincerely,

Robert Richards
Greensboro, Pa.

Now, the rebuttal:

That was no Santa. That was no department-store fake. It was a sports-department fake, a media guy impersonating St. Nick -- although his face was uncovered enough so his salt-and-pepper moustache stood in high, even scary contrast to Santa's cotton beard. Bill DiFabio, owner-operator of his own locally syndicated radio network, played this same jolly old role a couple of times in Bill Cowher's tenure, and you talk about a coach's irritation, annoyance and impatience. Santa stayed away last Christmas, but with Mike Tomlin's approval made an appearance this time for the coach's second Christmas. And what an appearance: roughly seven minutes long, early -- instead of the end -- in the coach's pre-Browns news conference. The bit was a bit too long where one minute would have sufficed. And Tomlin was a good sport for enduring. Nice catch on a quick, short throw, too. Given how the game turned out, it was a good thing the coach didn't get hurt and have to be carried out on a stretcher, huh? BTW: Dan Rooney is no scrooge; there has been no official pronouncement banning Santa, Hanukkah Harry or any such festive display from Steelers HQ.

Cleveland wants The Jaw

Chuck Finder — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:59:00 GMT

Does this man need a coaching job that badly?

Bill Cowher, Bill Cowher, you're wanted in Asile 4-10. . . the AFC North spill-ridden floor also known as Cleveland.

Desperate Browns fans already launched an online campaign to woo The Jaw back to what they consider his second home. Stop snickering.

Take a gander at this Unleash the Cowher Power site, no www. required -- that's how serious these Browns backers are. Their "Join the Movement" T-shirts, bearing a cute caricature of the former Steelers coach, are moderately priced for holiday shopping. Shucks, you could order a 5XL for $16.99. C'mon, stop that snickering. Dawg Pound founder John Thompson supposedly lost so much weight, he's probably down to a XXL by now. Or wait, is 5XL the year the Browns might finally get to the Super Bowl?

Ya gotta love this prose: "Bill Cowher has been a marked man in Cleveland for over two decades. . . He played for the Browns, coached the Browns, and was passed over BY the Browns for our head coaching spot (stupid Belichick). He went to Pittsburgh as his second choice." Exsqueeze me? Given a choice, he would've preferred to replace McDonald's own Marty Schottenheimer over legendary Chuck Noll? You guys drinking that flammable Cuyahoga River water?

Hold on, there's more: "Now retired, 'The Chin' is enjoying learning piano and relaxing down in North Carolina. We can all appreciate this blissful walk into the sunset. However, Cowher has said on several occasions that he still has a strong itch to coach again. His youngest daughter will be leaving for college next fall and he will have an empty nest. Restlessness will set in. If you don’t think the headstrong, psychopathic, adrenalin-filled man’s man is dreaming about coming back, then you my friend are crazy." Come to think of it, someone should put a Pittsburgh patent on The Jaw and make Cleveland refer to him as The Chin. Or Psychopathic, which is a lovely description for any human not institutionalized.

By the way, that last daughter, Lindsay, committed to play hoops at Wofford in Spartanburg, S.C., which means if dad wanted to work nearby, he'd have to coach. . . begin rumors here. . . the Carolina Panthers? Clemson? Converse College? (No, not the sneakers.) Back to reality, insiders expect him to sit out another year at least, enjoying his CBS studio duties, tinkling on the ivories and awaiting the day when there comes available an attractive job paying, oh, $7 million-plus annually.

For now, Brownies, dream on.

Steelers-Ravens Live (pregame edition)

Chuck Finder — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 21:11:00 GMT

4:11: Funny, but the deep, little voice on KDKA-TV just gave us the 411 and informed us we won't have a Heidi situation, and we're leaving the Tennessee-Houston game (can you believe Jeff Fisher's fourth-down pass call instead of a Rob Bironas field-goal try? CBS' Bill Cowher couldn't).

Oops, wrong Heidi situation. Not Klum, but the old movie interrupting a game's ending... or in this case, the Steelers-Ravens beginning.

4:14: All ready to go, but let's pause for one final CBS message: Cowher -- who used to coach some AFC team, right? -- had these thoughts earlier in the week about a game that, uh, his teams lost on several occasions in Baltimore [Blog 'n' Gold comments in brackets]:

"I don’t think there is any question that the defenses are going to be the storyline of this game. [Coach Cahr really puttin' it all aht there, huh? As much of a riverboat gambler as an analyst...[It may come down to which defense can score the most points. They are obviously two defenses that have the same mantra of stopping the run and pressuring the quarterback. Nobody does it better than these two defenses

(On Baltimore’s Ed Reed vs. Pittsburgh’s Troy Polamalu): Not taking anything away from Bob Sanders, but this game features two of the best safeties in the game today in Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu in terms of playmaking and playing the defender run and the play-to-pass. These two excel in that. Ed Reed is a guy that Pittsburgh will certainly have to be aware of. You have to make sure that you are moving him with your eyes. [Wow, how much iron would those eyes have to pump and get that strong?] If he can get a jump on the ball, he’s as good as anybody in the league in anticipating things. Based on what Pittsburgh does, you’re going to find Troy Polamalu up near the line of scrimmage a lot. The thing that Pittsburgh wants to do is make Joe Flacco become the guy that beats them. A lot of the run defense that Pittsburgh will employ will have Troy very close to the line of scrimmage. He’s going to be a lot closer to the line of scrimmage than Ed Reed.

(Keys to game for Pittsburgh): The bottom line for the Pittsburgh offense is third down. That is going to be a big key for them. They can’t get involved in third-and-long situations. If they can keep it at third-and-short, it will nullify the Baltimore blitz.

(Keys to game for Baltimore): They have to get their running game going. It’s going to be very important for them to be patient with their running game because they don’t want to put it all on the rookie quarterback in this type of game with this type of magnitude. Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if they came out and threw on some of the running situations, but ultimately it’s going to be important that they establish the run and be patient.

(On magnitude of game in AFC North division standings): Even if Pittsburgh loses, they will still be able to control their destiny to a degree. A Pittsburgh loss just makes it tougher because they still have to go down to Tennessee. Obviously a Pittsburgh win locks it up. If Baltimore wins this game, it puts the pressure back on Pittsburgh’s shoulders, but they will still control their own destiny.

Inactives: Steelers -- No. 3 QB Dennis Dixon, CB Fernando Bryant, LB Bruce Davis, OT Tony Hills, DL Scott Paxson, DE Orpheus Roye, and injured starters OT Marvel Smith and DE Brett Keisel. Ravens -- No. 3 Todd Bouman, WR Terrance Cooper, WR Marcus Maxwell, CB Evan Ogelsby, RB Ray Rice, RB Jalen Parmele, OT David Hale and OT Oniel Cousins.

Cowher's Commencement

Dan Gigler — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:23:00 GMT

Post-Gazette sports writer Chuck Finder tipped us off that Bill Cowher will deliver the fall commencement address at North Carolina State University, his alma mater. Cowher -- also at the top of Don Banks' list for 2009 coaching candidates despite no actual evidence from anyone other than The Great Mentioner that he's actually being considered -- would make for a great speaker, providing he refrains from reading "Oh the Places You'll Go." Although the Pittsburgh accent and spittle would make that fairly hilarious.

We took a stab at some of the advice he might offer, borrowing heavily from the "Wear Sunscreen" commencement address of urban legend.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ' 08 ... win a Super Bowl.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, winning a Super Bowl would be IT.

The long term benefits of winning a Super Bowl have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your Jaw. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Jaw until you have dentures. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you and your Jaw really looked.

Your Jaw is NOT as huge as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to win an AFC Championship game at home. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Sunday -- like the Patriots scoring not one, but two special teams touchdowns with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line.

Do one thing every day that scares you. Like actually naming Kent Graham a starter.

Kiss your quarterback.

Don't be reckless with Steelers fans' hearts, don't put up with Steelers fans who are reckless with yours.

Get kissed by your crazy linebacker with the killer dogs.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Unless Bill Belichick is cheating you blind.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how, I'll remember it for use in future press conferences.

Throw the challenge flag for all that you're worth.

We Dey.

Don't feel guilty if you rip into the occassional punter once in a while. Or stuff photographs into refs pockets. Or almost trip a Jacksonville Jaguar streaking down the sideline for a touchdown. Express yourself.

Kordell, git in 'ere 'n' punt!

Sometimes you win ugly. They can't all be a Mozart.

Maybe you'll win a Super Bowl, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children who are hella good hoopers, maybe you won't. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your Jaw, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Wear ridiculous looking Cliff Huxtable sweaters.

It is what it is.

Go for it on 4th down.

Let it go, John, let it go.

Be nice to your boss's oldest son.

Understand that free agents come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Like the Bus.

Coach in Pittsburgh once, but leave before it makes you hard; retire in North Carolina once, but leave before it makes you soft. But don't buy that house in North Carolina until after you retire, trust me, it will save you a massive headache.

LET'S GO!

Accept certain inalienable truths, reporters will annoy you, Patriots will cheat, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young other coaches were noble and football media respected their coaches.

Butch Davis should mind his own business.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. And then you'll have to coach again.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Unless you get sweet gig with CBS that pays for awesome plugs and caps for your choppers.

Be careful whose advice on the draft you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Who knew Jamain Stephens and Troy Edwards would both be so terrible?

But trust me on the Super Bowl."

And whatever you do kids, don't shoot yourself in the leg